I knew this day would come, and I’ve been both dreading and secretly desiring it. I just got tapped to be my son’s AYSO spring season soccer coach.

It wasn’t totally unexpected — in fact, you can blame my wife.

I do.

First, she conned me into coaching our daughter in her peewee team. She signed up to coach and turned the whole deal over to me when the pack of diaboloic 4-year-olds (delightful angels according to their parents, I’m sure) wouldn’t listen to her.

I have to admit, there was a certain megalomanic joy in taking charge of those kids, but what they did on the field bore no relationship to the stuff we practiced.

So, with that absolutely inadequate preparation, she convinced me to volunteer to coach my son’s U10 team.

I’m not a stranger to the game. I played AYSO for about 10 years, played on the high school team and I’ve referee’d for a couple of years. But it’s truly different when you’re in charge of the team.

For a while, I thought I’d dodged the bullet. The division coach didn’t call me to put me on a team. But then my wife — there she is again! — pushed me to email them to be sure they just didn’t forget to call.

Turned out, they didn’t even have my application. Alas, the communication didn’t end there.

We need coaches, I was told, so we’ll shift your son to an uncoached team and you can take over immediately.

My immediate reaction: fear.

After all, I’ve made the occasional critical comment about previous coaches. And my son got so frustrated with his team’s record last season  that he kept saying I should be coach. So no pressure there, right?

My other reaction: A secret thrill.

And here’s where a huge amount of family competition comes into play. My brother is a high school basketball coach who has actually won a state title. One younger sister was also a high school basketball coach and another is an AYSO coach.

So if I do well, I can preen all I like. If I don’t, I’m in for it big time.

Now, with about a week to spare, I’ve got to

• a) brush up on my basic soccer skills;
• b) convince my son he’s got to do EVERYTHING I say during practice, unlike in real life;
• c) put together a season’s worth of drills; 
• d) ensure this team does better than fall’s; and
• e) make sure the kids have fun in the classic AYSO fashion, so I can’t be too intense.

Wish me luck. I’ll update you after each fiasco … uh, practice.

Today’s question: Hey, I’m not shy — email me your best practice drills and advice. I’ll take all of it.

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